“Yesterday”

After Ben studied in Nashville during the fall of 2011, he and some of his friends began an online group called The Weekly Circle. It was a place to encourage and motivate one another in their song writing with a weekly theme and deadline. Ben has “revamped” the group this past week to include song-writers and artists of all kinds. I would love to set my words to music once I learn to play guitar, but until then, I have joined The Weekly Circle with the intention of spilling out whatever words come. I hope each week to see growth and feel accomplishment just for trying and building a collection of drafts. (Eh-hem: Notice, I am letting others read them even though I do not think they are perfect or finished.)

For this first week, the theme was “Yesterday”. So, that became a starting point and this poem is what came of it:

“a pile of yesterdays brought me here”

I have spent years tucking my dreams away:
in the pages of books I’ll never read.
in the hearts of people I will not meet.
in the snares of sins that won’t let me breathe.
in the songs I do not let myself sing.
in the words I can’t find to bring me peace.

A short time ago, everything seemed reachable.
Anything I wanted to do in this life, I did not doubt.
But yesterday’s dreams are not happening, and I cry.
The child in me is the reason why.

I have pretended far too long;
I did not doubt.
I have pretended far too long;
I was filled with doubt.

Today, I begin untucking my dreams:
I look at my shelf, and I pick one out.
I smile at the stranger, and I speak.
I get on my knees, and I utter prayers.
I open my mouth, and I sing with joy.
I sit down here and now and write these words.

I will stop yesterday’s routine of imitating holiness,
even though I got away with it.
I will start producing art,
threading together the breaths from each day.